We Just Have to Say Goodbye

At the end of a school year I get all optimistic about how next year is going to be different.  I get to a point where I'm just ready to be done--after all, my students are "just drillin' holes" after a while. 

But, it means saying a lot of goodbyes.  Some years it's incredibly difficult to send these young men and women on their way.  I have had the good fortune to work with some really incredible kids.  This year I was lucky enough to get to take one group of talented kids to state competition.  It was a very small group.  But it was the first time our school had sent a group to state for this academic competition so we were pretty impressed with ourselves. 

But now our good times are over.  It's time to send another group off into the "real world" (whatever exactly that means).  They are off to bigger and better things.  I always get a bit excited for my kids who didn't quite fit in because when they get to college they will find other kids just like them.  They will be happier than they have ever been before.

A few years ago I had a very special group that graduated.  The night of graduation I drove up to school listening to a song by Joey + Rory "To Say Goodbye."  You can listen to it on their website (scroll down to see it on the jukebox).  I cried.  It's a touching song on it's own.  But the last 2 lines really resonated with me on that night: 

"No it ain’t let that we can’t let them go,
We just want to say goodbye"

Graduation is important to me.  Those kids come in and for four years they are my kids.  I see them become young men and women.  It amazes me every time.  Most of the time graduation is the last time I see these kids.

So when I am sitting on the football field with my kids, someone else's precious baby that is graduating--sometimes after tremendous challenges--I am so honored to be there.  But I'm a bit of a tourist.  I take the picture their parents can't get.  The impossibly close up picture as they shake hands with their teachers after they have walked across the stage.  The picture of them signing for their diplomas.  The whole time thinking that it isn't that I can't let them go. . .I just have to say goodbye.

Graduation

We can't let the milestone pass without another commentary.

She has grown so much.  When she was first born I was home with her for ten weeks before I had to go back to work and my parents became her babysitter.  She became a "little adult" then.  She has always interacted well with people who are older than her; she naturally gravitates toward parents over kids when we are in a crowd of people.  She has a level a maturity that was once described as "a thirty-five year old trapped in a twelve year old's body."  True.

As I write this today I have her Easter picture propped up by my computer.  Above the desk are pictures of her through the ages.  A smiling three month old with the litlte head squisher.  Then as a six month old surrounded by teddy bears.  At nine months wearing a little sweatsuit with canvas tennis shoes and holding "Lammy Lamb."  Her precious one year old picture when I couldn't imagine she could ever be more beautiful.  In time her sisters came along so there are group photos.  Pictures at three years old (where she finally had enough hair to look like a little girl instead of a baby) and through various states of tooth loss. 

But today she is the gorgeous teenager with perfect hair and perfect-never-needed-braces-teeth.  She is the girl who led the singing at graduation Mass (3 songs), read petitions and played the offetory song on piano. 

After Mass we went to the reception in the gym.  There I was able to thank two of our three favorite teachers for all they have done for my girl.  Her kindergarten teacher is no longer at her school but she came back to see her kids graduate; I cried.  Just seeing her again. 

Such wonderful people to take care of my girl and help her grow into my beautiful teenager.

(Ok, if you are sick of me going on and on about my girl, you can take comfort in the fact that she will not be the topic of tomorrow's post.  I promise.)

Graduation Day

Today my oldest graduates from eighth grade.  Where did the time go? 

The last nine years have been full of ups and downs, just as you might expect.  She went off to school, just a little girl who loved to wear dresses (but hated that she was supposed to wear shorts under them.)  She had an amazing kindergarten teacher who picked her up and gave her love of reading and learning.

I know my Baby Bear still remembers that first day. We made muffins to take along for breakfast; she never was a fan of a sit-down breakfast on a school day.  So we sat on the steps of the school eating our muffins and she looked at me and said, "Mommy, I'm not sure I'm ready for this."  I hugged her and told her I knew she was anxious but that she'd be just fine.  When the time came to go up to the classroom I gave her another hug and kiss then turned to leave.  I lingered a bit longer at the door than I should have so her teacher told me "Mom, you can go now."  That was when I cried.  Just a bit.  I'd been dismissed by the teacher.

My little girl progressed through kindergarten and found a best friend.  They looked so much alike that the teacher sometimes got them confused.  They stayed best friends through first and second grade.  In third grade they were put in separate classes, which was probably for the best since we knew her best friend was going to be moving to a different school starting in fourth grade.

Third grade was rough.  My little angel was sick for a while and just had some tough times.  But she learned a huge lesson that year.  True friends are always your friends.  And the popular crowd will talk about you if you aren't there.  She decided then that if that's what it took to be popular, she didn't care to be popular.  Good girl.

Fourth grade meant a new building.  And going it without a best friend anymore.  She just kept going.  Plugging along with a couple of good friends but not that "bestie" like she'd had before.  She endured some scrapes and bruises emotionally but stayed true to herself and remained a good Christian girl, remembering the Golden Rule.  

Suddenly she was in eighth grade.  She was making plans for going to high school.  This time she is the one leaving the group of friends.  Most of them will continue on to the school that their elementary school feeds into.  But she is jumping over to a much bigger school.  (Both are excellent schools.  It's just a personal choice to switch to the bigger one.)  While she is very excited about going to the bigger school, she is nostalgic.  She has been with this group of kids for the last nine years.  And while they haven't always gotten along, they have always been there.  They will be able to stay in touch.  But it won't be the same. 

Tonight is the end of an era for her.  While some would say eighth grade graduation is a silly little milestone in life, no one can argue that a relationship that lasts nine years isn't anything to dismiss lightly.  These people and this school have had a tremendous impact on the beautiful, loving, graceful, prayer-ful, Christian young lady I get to call my daughter.

I know she'll read this and I hope she can read between the lines to know just how proud I am of her and the decisions she has made over the last nine years.  And by tacking on this little song, I know she'll tear up.  Happy tears for what she has had mixed with sad tears for what she leaves behind.  Keep looking ahead Baby Bear because great things wait for you at your next school!